isit wrong for wanting to go to youth?? isit wrong that i want to have fun?? isit wrong???


every tear flows from your eye is so precious...every tear that flows from my eye there's a meaning to it...we don't cry just like that...is either sadness or joy...wad is mine?? for now is definitely sadness...i just want to go youth and listen to the teaching and also have fun...why can't i do any of that now?? i finished my freaking form 3 year...and don't you think i should do all things now---having fun, going youth, doing all the activities---but no!!! i can't...just beacuse of a material that mummy gave me...the material is my phone that was stolen...until now i'm still banned from going youth...i feel so annoyed and angry!!! i don't care about my phone being stolen anymore...i put that in my past but why can't my parents do that...why can't they understand that i just want to go youth and go out!!

my relationship with God now...i have no idea where am i standing...i don't even know who is He anymore or who am i...you know there is this thin piece of glass which can just break easily...but i am trying to take care of it ...so that it wouldn't break into pieces...but there is so many temptation that could just break that glass...and the glass is my faith in God... i feel like i'm going further and further from God and my parents don't even give a damn!! i don't read the bible like i used to already and i don't talk to God because i just can't...and i just need to go youth and listen to Gods words and just sing and maybe one day i will be strong again but now.. i can't do that..as my parents they just don't want me to go so how do i do it?? i know we can always gain back our strength at home..actually anywhere but can i?? unfortunately i thought i could but i can't...i just feel when i'm in youth and i go for their bible study and stuff..i feel i am learning something..i am learning Gods words and i just had faith in Him....i'm not saying i have no faith in Him but now i can tell you the truth that my faith is thinner than a contact lens...

you know when i was still having my pmr exams...i was so looking forward for my holidays because i thought i would be able to go youth and go out and have fun....i never pictured my holiday to be like this!!! you know when i lost my phone..this aunty told me that don't fall for this trick that the satan is giving you..he just trying to break your relationship with God...and i stayed strong...i didn't care about that anymore...but now i'm not strong...

now i totally just stop stop talking to God...i can't say a word to Him because i don't know what is going on... i don't is He trying to do or what!! i watched the movie material girls and when all the bad things happen Ava said i'm like Gods personal joke...and now i feel i am Gods personal joke!!!

everytime i want to go out i can't because i'm so afraid my dad will get angry or my mum... so so many times i had plans i just didn't go...i guess i'm really afraid to get scolded...just don't like it:):)

now i just want to go to youth...i know they will they are protecting me in case my stuff get stolen again...i'm sorry but this is not protecting me!! this is more a torturing to me...i accepted not going youth because i know it was a lesson and all but i didn't know until now they can't let it go...this is not a lesson anymore is more to a punishment!! sometimes i just wish i could shout out and scream...and sometimes i just wish my mum would just know...

what am i suppose to do now?? pretend everything is okay??? i've been pretending long enough well sometimes and i can't pretend anymore... i hate it!!i hate it!!i hate it!!i just hate it!! i hate that everything is going the way they want it to be not the way it is meant to be....:)

now i'm only listening to the song IRIS by GOO GOO DOLLS!! :):) just over and over again...

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

[Iris lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(break and solo)

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

IRIS by GOO GOO DOLLS...

really nice song!!